Why You're Stuck in a Life You Hate (and How to Open the Door ) - with Andy Semotiuk

Andy Semotiuk spent over forty years as an immigration attorney, but this isn't a dry talk about paperwork and legalities. Andy is a true expert in the art of transition and opening doors that people didn't even realize were there for them.

In this episode of Thrive After 45™, we dive into the deeper, human side of starting over. Andy shares some incredible perspectives on why we choose to move, whether we are being pushed by a "hurricane" in our lives or pulled by a dream of something better. He even uses a simple tape measure as a visual to remind us that our time is precious and we should spend it in the place that allows us to be our best selves.

We talk about the big philosophical questions like "Who am I?" and how the answer to that actually reveals why we are here. 

Andy gets really personal about his own journey from being a public speaker to discovering a passion for writing, and he shares seven beautiful rules for a successful life that I think we all need to hear. 

You’ll hear us chat about:

• The "tape measure" trick to putting your life and goals into perspective
• Why moving for opportunity is a powerful way to reclaim your humanity
• Finding your unique ability and the passion that drives it
• Practical ways to navigate the big hurdles of working across borders
• How to listen to the whispers of your history to find your authentic self

This talk is so grounding and hopeful. It reminded me that we aren't just limited to the borders we see on a map; the only real limits are the ones we stop challenging.

Connect with Andy here:

Website:  pacelawfirm.com

Thank you for spending time with me today on the Thrive After 45™ podcast! If this episode spoke to you, be sure to hit that follow button so you never miss one.

November 12 & 13, 2026, I will be hosting a live, in-person experience called IGNITE: The Inner Uprising™ at the Hyatt Regency Vancouver Hotel, BC, Canada!

It is a two-day immersive gathering for women in midlife — women who feel the quiet pull toward something more truthful, more embodied, more fully their own.

IGNITE is an extension of these conversations.

It’s where reflection becomes embodiment.

Where insight becomes integration.

Where women who have held so much for others gather to stand fully in their own sovereignty.

If something in today’s conversation stirred you — if your body leaned in — that is NOT accidental.

The ticket sales will be coming soon, so get your name on the waitlist, and never miss an update and special price breaks that will exist for early registrants. 

https://ignite2026.lovable.app

There is a place for us to gather.

If you loved this episode, I’d be so grateful if you left a review - it helps more amazing women like you find this show!

Your journey doesn’t stop here - let’s keep the conversation going! Connect with me at ...

Transcript

0:00

Hello, and welcome to today's episode of Thrive After 45. I'm Denise Drink, heart whisperer, midlife mirror and mentor. And every week I am honored to share energy and space with inspiring guests whose stories reflect. So many possibilities of thriving beyond 45. Together we uncover the whispers of the heart, the power of midlife transformation, and the wisdom that fuels expansion. What if the next chapter, if your midlife was not limited by borders at all, but expanded by opportunities, careers, and possibilities you never imagined exploring? It is an absolute. Honor and a privilege to welcome and introduce Andy Chek to our show today. Andy is an immigration attorney who has spent more than 40 years guiding international professionals through one of the most confusing and overwhelming systems out there, navigating work visas and crossing borders into new career opportunities over the decades. He has helped. Thousands of individuals overcome the complexities of US immigration law and step into futures. They once thought were totally out of reach. But what makes Andy's presence especially meaningful for us women in midlife who are reinventing ourselves, exploring new professional chapters, or even considering opportunities beyond familiar borders. Andy doesn't just specialize in law. He specializes in transition, reinvention, and opening doors. People didn't even realize were available to them. And today we're gonna explore his wealth of experience and the deeper human side of immigration. How movement, career evolution, and possibility intersect. In powerful ways and somewhere in our conversation I will ask Andy a very important question about the misconceptions about US work Visas welcome to our show today, Andy. It's great to have you. Thanks, uh, I'm delighted to be with you today and I'm looking forward to our discussion. Before we came on the air, Andy said, I can't wait. I've got some wonderful ideas that I wanna share with the audience because transitions. Is something that he is very familiar with. Obviously with the work you do as an immigration lawyer, right? Right. That's all about transitions Correct. And very unknown transitions, right? Correct. What are some of the stumbling blocks that you have noticed over the years that are most common for people who are in this? I want to move. I want to work elsewhere. I want to change everything. That will give me a new beginning. Well, that's a great question to start with. Uh, you know the saying the grass is always greener. Mm-hmm. Uh, there's a bit of that in immigration, and I'll just still, I'll just share one story about how that may be true. Sure. I used to practice in Edmonton, Alberta, which is one of the coldest cities in the world. And, uh, one day a client came in to see me. He was from Florida and I thought, wow, this is interesting. Most people from Edmonton dream about, uh, you know, moving to Florida, this guy's moving up to Edmonton Naval, right? So I asked him, well, why are you coming up to Edmonton? Yeah. He said, well, it's very simple, you know, we are having a delightful life in Florida. We had a nice house and, uh, near the ocean and so on. Mm-hmm. But unfortunately, one day. Uh, you know, uh, a storm came and it was a terrible storm, you know, and, and it, uh, washed us out basically that the, the town where we were living, uh, you know, they, they had a hard time of it had to recover. And after that storm. Uh, hurricane. Mm-hmm. Uh, he looked down the street that he lived on and he saw one sign for sale House, you know, house for sale. Mm-hmm. So it started in thinking, but he thought, well, this is Florida, you know, beautify, you know, or you know. Mm-hmm. These hurricanes are, you know, once in a while, but unfortunately the next year they had another hurricane. No. Yes. And uh, at the end of the hurricane, again, he looked down the street and he saw. Like multiple for sale signs. Oh wow. And that was a signal for him. You know, I think I better pick up and go somewhere else. Now, Edmonton's not the end of the world, but you can almost see the end of the world from Edmont. So. Now, I grew up in Edmonton, so I don't want to be too, uh, dismissive of the, of the, the city. Of course, growing up it's one of the greatest places on earth to, to live in. Mm-hmm. You can walk out the house without even locking the door. Come back five hours later and you're fine. Right. That's the kind of life you can have in Edmonton. Mm-hmm. So. It's understandable why this person came up, uh, in that context. Sure. Yeah. So that's a little example of, uh, yeah. What we're talking about. Yeah. So interesting because. Catastrophes happen, and sometimes those are the things that are the precipice for change. I would love to have it where we don't have to face big trauma traumatic events, whether they're within our ability to change or not, but the result being the idea of people choosing. To change location, not for the purpose. It, and it would be ideal if it's not for the purpose to get away from something, but to explore other possibilities like I shared in the beginning. Do you find that people, um, or is it all over the map as to why people. Move into Andy help. I need your help. I, I have to say often it's a push rather than a pull meaning. Okay. I don't like, for example, whether in Toronto or the economy or whatever. Sure. But here's a strange thing, for example, yeah. I think Canadians, by and large. Are not too thrilled with, uh, president Trump and, you know, his Sure. Saying he wants Canada to be the next state and so on, right? So, uh, I find I'm mm-hmm. Such a person. Now, I'm a member of the US and Canadian bars. I like, I, I lived, I, I practiced in Los Angeles for 10 years and in New York for five, right? So I know all about America, right? And I like America. I love America. Yeah. But I'm kind of surprised because right now the traffic is going southbound you. You might think as a Canadian, you know, you think Americans a lot may be right enchanted and wanna come up north, right? Some are. But it's not a big tidal wave or anything like that. So to each his or her own, you know, they see life differently than perhaps we do. Right. Um, and it's the life of opportunity that they're looking for. Mm-hmm. Mainly. Mm-hmm. Climate is one thing. Sure. But often it's economic, you know, uh, better jobs, better um, living conditions, um, cheaper. Uh, lifestyles, uh, these kind of things that attract people to go southbound. Okay. And so that's in the realm of what you're talking about, which is choosing something better for yourself and for your family, and perhaps for your growth economically. Uh, for example, in my practice, there are a lot of, uh, entrepreneurs mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Who are interested in going southbound. So they're business people. They, they see a, a better business opportunity down there. They wanna, you know, uh, uh, get a, a taste of, uh, the American Dream sort of. Right. There you go. And, and I have, I like to tell my clients, you know, mm-hmm. They say, well, are there, you know, how's it going with other clients? I'd like to tell 'em that I have clients. Who went down to the United States, say 20 or 30 years ago, they're multi-millionaires. Mm-hmm. They kick their feet up onto the, you know, to the desk and smoke cigars and count their money. And Andy Chu is someone they forgot about long time ago. You know, there are people like that. Mm-hmm. And there is that kind of a life. Um, and then there are others who maybe, uh, you know, they move, but. Uh, life is not, uh, you know, all, uh, you know, uh, rosy and perfect. Yeah. Uh, yeah. But the thing is just the idea and the effort is what makes us human. Yes. And what makes it all worthwhile. You know, why not try, why not do better, so to speak. Right. So is there a process that you find is really important for people who are listening right now and going, you know, Denise, I never even thought that this is a possibility to look at moving out of not only province if you're in Canada or if you're in the States moving outta state into province. Like, is that something that, um, there's, there's. Ideas that are really important to consider when you're listening to this for the first time and all of a sudden we've given you a new placeholder possibility. I'll give you a, here's a visual that you can, uh, do for yourself. I have here in my hand a tape measure. Mm-hmm. And I'm just gonna draw an analogy that I think may, uh, perfect make sense for you. If, let's say we put, uh, one inch equals one year in your life. Okay. Let me ask you, uh, Denise, how long do you think, uh, most women live. Uh, to what age do most women live? Um, I'm going to say 80 to 90. 88 is right. Statistically it's around 80. And for men it might be slightly lower. 80, 79, 70, or it's around the 80 mark. So let's just say 80. Okay, sure. And if you take a tape measure and you allow one inch per year Yeah. Yeah. And you stretch it out. Uh, to how old you are and go on all the way to 80, right. And put your finger on your age right now. Okay. It's amazing. And I encourage everybody to do that at home. Yeah. With their children. And put your finger down what age you're on right now. Yep. You suddenly realize, oh my goodness, I don't have that much time left. You know, I've lived a lot of my life already. Mm-hmm. Like, I just got a few, you know, a guy like me, I got just a few years still to go. Right. Yeah. Um, if you're 25, you got a lot to go still, but, you know. Right. It's a good, uh, visual way of reminding yourself, look, time is going by. Mm-hmm. You got a life to lead, make the most of what you got left. Mm. One of the ways you can make the most of what you got left is to consider moving to the place that will make it the easiest for you and the best for you to do the best that you can do with your life. In short, that's the way we put it. I love that. Now, one thing that's coming forward for me, and this is something that I talk about with my clients all the time, is what is it that you want? Okay. You have to know what you want in order for you to reach what you're, what you're dreaming of, so it before you start doing this. And while I think it's better over here, I think it's better over there. You mentioned Andy at the beginning, how. To each his own is really important. Yeah. So what you see others doing doesn't necessarily mean that's good for you. It's good to get the information so you can make the best decision you can in your point in time where you are now, but Right. You need to know what it is you really dream of. What is the ultimate, how am I going to live my life? And this is exactly why we have this podcast because we are talking to women about. Doing for you by you because of you. And when you do that, everything else comes into place. But when you keep doing for others, you keep lowering your cup of optimism and you, you end up burning out or you end up, you know, not being the full human that you get to be. So good thoughts, uh, knowing what you want. Is one of the biggest questions in life. In fact, like philosophically, there are two big questions in our lives. Yes. Number one is, uh, you know, why am I here? Mm-hmm. Why am I here? You know? And the other is, who am I? Who am I? You could spend your whole life asking yourself, who am I? And in between these two ears, there's a whole universe as large as the universe out there that you can explore to answer that question, who am I? And I believe the answer to the question, who am I gives you the answer to. The second question, why am I here? Hmm. If you're asking yourself, why am I here? Ask yourself, who am I? Meaning look at your life and your antecedents, your, your, you know Yeah. Where you came from. Yeah. And in there, there's an answer as to what you're all about and what you should be doing with your life if you spend enough time looking at it. I believe that's true. Uh, so that's a very philosophical way of putting it, but a more practical way. I'm just gonna give you one example Yes. That I think is very helpful. Mm-hmm. There was a guy named Carl nda, who was a famous tight work tight rope walker. Yes. And uh, I think it was in the 1980s, he was walking a tightrope in San Juan, Puerto Rico, between two high, uh, towers, two buildings. And, uh, he slipped and fell to his death. But before he died, he was interviewed by some journalists. Mm-hmm. And they asked him, why on earth do you walk the tightrope? And his answer was very insightful. And his answer was, he said, all my life, I live most on my, on walking the tightrope. And everything before is a prelude to and everything after is a postscript after my life on the tightrope. So what was in his case? That tightrope was so, the experience was so powerful to him that he was willing to risk his life for the sake of getting up there and performing. So you gotta ask, we have to ask ourselves, what's so powerful for us in our lives that we would be willing to even walk a tight rope? Okay, well, maybe not walk a tight rope or risk your life, but what is it that's so powerful in your life that would move your life forward and that you have to, that you'd be willing to risk to get it? Uh, you know, I think that's a great question. Mm-hmm. There's a guy named, uh, uh, Jim Rohn, who's a big famous Oh yes. Speaker in the us. I had the opportunity to actually meet him. Wow. And one of the questions he used to ask is. So what are your goals? And he used to say, after summer, telling their goals, he'd say, he would say, well, that's very exciting. If it was exciting. And if it wasn't, he would say, well, why aren't they exciting? Why aren't they so exciting that I get excited just listening to you talk about your goals? You know? So the idea is your goals have to be exciting. Um, they should be exciting and, and, uh, uh, you know, that's. That's part of live living, the kind of life that, that we should probably live. Um, and once you got the goals down, well then you go after the goals. You have to define what is the goal, and then what price are you prepared to pay. Yeah. Are you prepared to die for your goal? Or at the very least, walk a tight rope for your goal? Or maybe not that, but you know, how much are you willing to pay? Right. And, and then you go after it. Paying, paying the price. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, and when you do it through that lens and that conviction, my belief is you can't go wrong. Yeah. Because you're going after what you are here for, what you are here. What is your reason for being. Yeah, that's, uh, what I call the unique ability. I just came off a program just before this program. I came off a program with a guy named, uh, Dan Sullivan, who's called the Strategic Coach, and he was talking about ambition and he said people, he's 81 years old and he has love it more ambition today than he ever had in his life. And he was saying ambition equals excitement. Yeah. You know, you get excited and it's a sort of a loop. The more excited, the more, yeah. So these are all things, uh, you know. Share inside yourself and figure out what's your unique ability? What, what can you give the world that the world needs? Yeah. That they're crying out there to, to, you know, for mm-hmm. For you to give. And if you're, if, and that could that forgive me for lecturing like that. No, this is good. It's, it's, no, this is great. Um, the, the key thing there is passion. Yeah. Like, you know, the em emotional commitment to the goal. Yeah. Yeah. If, if you don't have the passion, you're, you're driving down the wrong highway. Yeah. You gotta find the highway where your passion is, no matter what it is. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And get on there. So, uh, I'll just share if I may Yeah. In my own life Absolutely. How I sort of applied this. Yes. So, uh, you know, I thought, Hey, I'm a big speaker. I'm gonna be a big, you know, I was a Toastmaster. I gotta plaque up here above my head. Yeah. Uh, 'cause I was one of these, uh, you know. Distinguished Toastmaster for being in Toastmaster. Sure. Uh, the Toastmasters organization, that's a, you know, learn how to speak publicly Right. Organization, but that's not what the world wanted from me. Hmm. That, what the world wanted for me. I, I realized over time was for me to write. So I now, when I started writing, I was terrible in the university. I barely made it through English 1 0 1, barely. Yeah. In fact, the professor who taught me what turnover in his grave today, if you know what I'm doing, but I write for Forbes. I've been writing for Forbes for 10 years, and I'm a former UN correspondent. Mm-hmm. It didn't come. Naturally at first, you know? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But over time, I, you know, as I, I wrote little articles for student newspapers and essays and stuff like that, and over time mm-hmm. I got better, better, better. Until now I'm good enough to be published. Um, but I still have this passion for speaking and presenting. Yeah. What we are doing right now. Yes. In my life. Is my passion. Mm-hmm. Sharing ideas with people like this. Yeah, exactly. You know, I, I can't think, in fact, I'll say this, I can't think of a better place in the world. I'd rather be and a better time than right now. Mm-hmm. And with a better person than you and your audience right now. This is the highest thing I can do with my life at this moment. And that's what we have to do. We have to find places like that and do that. Yeah, I, I'm honored. To be having this conversation. I really am because it is 100% real, authentic and exactly what we are about in, in our, in our conversations here. We are here to show people that everybody has their journeys and isn't it interesting that the. Outside pieces, you were the top of the Toastmasters. You were giving and giving, and you thought that was it, and you were recognized for it, but there was still some a, a, a loop that wasn't finished. Correct. And I love that it stayed in the realm of communication. Yeah, it did. Yeah. And, you know, I mean, uh, and it's part of my, you know, looping back to what we were talking about earlier. Sure. I have to ask myself, well, why am I so concerned about communication? And, uh, I'll share a sort of an intimate story. It's kind of almost like sacred. Wow. My mother was deaf. Mm-hmm. She did not hear as a young girl, she lost, lost her hearing to illnesses. Hmm. So, in my life. Uh, I had to learn how to communicate with her. Uh, now she lip read. Yes. She was able to read. When you're talking, she could figure out what you're saying by what, how you're making your lip move. Yeah. So she'd read my lips. She had slight hearing on one 20% on her right ear. So that made up enough for her to understand what I was talking about. Right. But communication was very important to her and through her to me, and I realized, wow, that's one of the reasons why I am so dedicated to communication. Right. Effective communication to this day. Yeah, because I, there is. Communication and then there is effective communication. Yeah, there's a huge difference. Thank you for that. Um, uh, additional piece. And I love what you're saying because to me, I think that's true for all of us. When we look back in our history growing up, that's where our true, authentic selves really show. Who we are. So if we're in the dark about who am I really, those important questions you were sharing earlier. One of the techniques I use with my clients is to go and do your milestone history and tune into what you were like as a young child when nothing was interfering. What did you do? What did you love to do, and why did you love to do it? And start stripping down your bare to your bare bones and really understand more about who you are through that lens. And it's very interesting to do. Yeah. Yeah. Andy, of course. Uh, there's mistakes along the way. Oh. Make mistakes. Right? Absolutely. Uh, we, if we don't have those mistakes, we don't grow. Right? I mean, that's one piece of growth. I don't think it's the only, but I think it's an important piece to understand, oops, nope, that I won't do that again, and here's why. And understanding behind the mistakes and learning through those mistakes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my goodness. Andy, what an incredible conversation. Are there any pieces we haven't, we've talked about so many different things which have all come together to talk about. I think, you know, the underlying piece is knowledge. Starting over can be a challenge, but there are things that you can do to make it easier. Mm-hmm. Um, we talked about, um. Moving places. I'm wondering if there's anything in particular that you can share if there are misconceptions and about us work visas that people need to understand if this is an avenue they're thinking about. Uh, well, uh, briefly. Um, just because you're a Canadian doesn't mean you're entitled to go to the United States. You have to get a visa to enter. Okay. And to work there, you have to have a work visa. To have a work visa, you have to have someone offering a job and not just any job. Okay. But a job that's in short supply in the United States, like a position. So usually that means each, at least a bachelor's degree or higher. Okay. And um, I can say there are like. Briefly, there are five ways to immigrate to the United States. One is marry your way in. Uh, that is say either a wife sponsoring you mm-hmm. Or a family member who's an American mm-hmm. Sponsoring you. Another is study your way in, you know, go to university, for example, take a master's degree or ma bachelor's degree. Mm-hmm. Uh, a third way is to, uh. Invest your way in. If you have a lot of money, say like a million dollars, you could invest in a project and, and you can get a permanent residence in the United States. A fourth way is to, uh, work your way in. Uh, so if you get a, a work visa, for example mm-hmm. If you're a professional, uh, usually there are categories of professionals that will enable you to get a work visa right away. Uh, for example. Doctor, uh, lawyer, architect, engineer, nurse. Okay. Any kind of profession. Mm-hmm. And then there's, uh, asylum you're trying to escape. Mm. Have a well-founded fear of persecution, and you're trying to escape from that country that's gonna persecute you. So you come to the United States? Mm. Those same avenues are open to Canada in the same way. Okay. Okay. So they go all, both ways? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Anything that you would like to share with our audience to help them make some decisions, make some ideas on paper, anything that you'd love to share before we close off this incredible time we've had together? Yeah. I'm going to share seven rules for a successful life. Perfect. Okay. These are my, my rules, but I learned them from others. Number one, they're easy. No, they're hard to do, but easy to state. Ah, and you have to try and, and lead your life this way. Number one. Come on time. Number two, finish what you start. Number three, do what you promise. Number four, be sincere. Number five, actions speak louder than words. Number six, be kind. Number seven, be thankful for what you have. Seven rules for a successful life. I try to lead my life by those rules. Mm-hmm. I don't always succeed, but I do my best. And I think if I did believe my life, lead my life that way, it would be a good life. Amazing. Those are great, great lessons to live by. I totally agree. As I'm listening to you, I could finish them as you started, I'd be like, yep. I think that's, yep. That's what it's, and you know, absolutely. And the success, I know people define success differently, but what you are sharing is your life, not from the outside in, but from the inside out. Yeah. So. Yeah. Andy, thank you so much for sharing, taking time out to be with us today and giving the incredible examples. I love so many. I'm gonna go and find my measuring tool now. I think that's amazing. I am such a visual person. So that was perfect and thank you for describing it for those of, uh, for those listeners who are not on the YouTube channel, but on the podcast. So thank you again for being here with us today, Andy, and sharing so much. For those of you listening, we will have in our show notes how to contact and find Andy so that you can reach out and, um. Take your learning and move forward and move. If that's the next opportunity that's presenting itself your way, make sure that you share, follow, subscribe, give us reviews. Everything helps to move these conversations into a wider audience so more people can benefit from our incredible guests. Have a wonderful day, everyone, and make sure you thrive after 45. Bye bye.